I saw you today.
You didn’t see me. You didn’t know I watched you as I passed you by.
But I saw you. More than that: I felt you.
Because I’ve been you.
Primary School End of Year Assessment
Question One:
You have one half of a cake and another one half of a cake. How much cake do you have in total?
a) One cake
b) Two cakes
c) Don’t know, fractions are stupid
d) CAKE
Things I Want My Children To Know
#1 Weekend mornings will never be as good as the weekend mornings when you’re seven years old and you sit in front of the TV watching cartoons until noon.
Mrs May Loses It
This is Mrs May.
Out in the playground at the end of the school day one afternoon, a well-meaning bystander tells Mrs May how lucky she is to be a teacher, how teaching isn’t really a job, it’s a vocation, particularly with all those Long Holidays teachers get, why, it’s hardly like working at all!
#notalone
“Sometimes,” said Pooh, crossly, “I just wish I was like Other People.”
“What do you mean?” asked Piglet in surprise.
Biff Chip and Kipper and the Glass of Wine
This is Mum.
Mum has had one of those days where, frankly, she does not know what ever possessed her to merrily hurl her contraceptive pill down the toilet and let Dad anywhere near her with his swollen appendage in order for them to breed.
Mrs May and the End of Half Term
This is Mrs May.
Mrs May has made it to the end of another half term.
During this half term, Mrs May’s fixed smile has never wavered.
Absolutely Fine
Piglet let himself into Pooh’s house to find his friend lying on the floor under his kitchen table with a blanket over his head.
Biff, Chip and Kipper and the Sunday Night
It is Sunday evening.
This is Mum.
Mum is looking forward to a quiet relaxing evening in front of the television.
Biff, Chip and Kipper and the Sunny Day
It is a sunny day.
This is Mum.
“Let’s all go outside and have a family day in the sun,” says Mum.
