This one’s for my kids

My babies,

You’re getting to an age now where life starts to get very confusing. Even more confusing than it was back when you were a baby, when you regularly got confused between your orifices, and tried to consume pureed butternut squash via your ear, and put sweet potato chips up your nose.

You’ll start to find yourselves facing a daily onslaught of opinions from friends and family and teachers and social media and advertising and celebrities and society in general about what’s important in life. About what you absolutely must do if you’re ever to make a success of yourself:

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Mrs May Loses It

This is Mrs May.

Out in the playground at the end of the school day one afternoon, a well-meaning bystander tells Mrs May how lucky she is to be a teacher, how teaching isn’t really a job, it’s a vocation, particularly with all those Long Holidays teachers get, why, it’s hardly like working at all!

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