Biff, Chip and Kipper and the Standard Assessment Tests

It was time for Biff and Chip to have their SATs at school.

Mum was worried.

Mum did not think that Biff and Chip would do well in their SATs.

Neither did Biff and Chip.

Biff and Chip had an attendance level of 35%.

“We are basically fucked”, thought Biff and Chip.

Dad told Mum not to worry.

Dad told Mum that he did not have any SATs, and look what had happened to him!

Mum cried.

Upstairs, the magic key began to glow.

The magic key took Biff, Chip, Kipper and Floppy the dog to a school.

This is a shit adventure, thought Biff, Chip, Kipper and Floppy the dog.

In the school, lots of children were having their SATs. They were working very hard.

A man came up to the children. The man was a teacher.

“Are you taking your SATs soon?”, he asked.

“We are”, said Biff and Chip.

“And have you been working very hard?”, asked the man.

“No, not really”, said Biff.

“We should be in school right now”, said Chip.

“Our mum and dad don’t know WHERE we are”, said Kipper.

Floppy bit the man’s leg.

“You little shits, get out of my school”, said the man, shaking his fist at them. “You will never amount to anything if you don’t pass your SATs.”

The children left the school. “Floppy, you fucking liability”, said Biff. “Now we are going to fail our SATs, and it will all be your fault.”

“Yeah right”, thought Floppy.

The magic key glowed and took the children home. They went downstairs.

“Did you have a nice day at school?”, said Mum

“It’s 8pm, you stupid woman”, said Chip. “Have you not been worried about us?”

“I thought you were practising for your SATs”, said Mum.

“I’m a dog, you fucking moron”, thought Floppy.

Suddenly, Dad fell through the ceiling. “Whoops, silly me.”

Mum cried.

“Oh no”, said Kipper.

The next day it was time for Biff and Chip to take their SATs.

“Good luck”, said Mum.

“Good luck”, said Dad.

“You’re screwed”, said Kipper.

When Biff and Chip got to their classroom, Mrs May was waiting for them.

Mrs May said that instead of doing their SATs, they would put on a play.

Biff and Chip cheered.

Ofsted closed Mrs May’s school down.

Biff and Chip were sent to a different school to take their SATs.

The teacher at the new school was an angry man with a dog bite on his leg.

“Oh no”, said Biff and Chip.

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