It has been another stupid week.
Last week it was half term. In half term you do not have to go to school. The first half of half term was really good. This was because Dad was in charge, and so basically I could watch as much TV as I wanted to. Mum says that if I watch too much TV it will be bad for me. This is because Mum has no idea of what it is like to have fun.
On Thursday Mum did not go to work so that she could take us to the dentist. She kept telling me beforehand that I was not allowed to lick the dentist, and I was like “I KNOW.” Doh. Of course I am not going to lick the dentist any more. It is no fun licking dentists when people think you are going to do it. You have to wait until you catch them off guard. I have some excellent plans for the next time Mum takes me to the dentist…
On Friday Mum did not go to work AGAIN. I think that maybe her work have sacked her and she is just pretending to have a job. Instead, we all went to the beach for the day. Mum and Dad told me that I would like the beach. I did NOT like the beach. It is all sandy. I hate getting sand on me. Mum kept saying to me “Well what did you expect? This is what happens when you go to the beach!” I KNOW. That is why I did not want to go to the beach.
After we went to the beach we went to a nice restaurant. I ordered a really big crab and said that I would eat it all, and then I didn’t. Not eating some food that I have asked for and Mum and Dad have had to pay for is one of my very favourite things to do.
On Sunday Mum went out, leaving us with Dad. This was Good because I got to watch TV, but Bad because it meant Dad was in charge of making tea. Once when Dad had to make us tea he made us Hairy Pizza. I was not taking any chances, so I went next door and invited myself to my friend Evlyn’s house for tea. Her dad is a proper chef in a restaurant so I knew the tea would taste nice. When Mum came back home she asked me why I had gone out for tea, and I was like, “Mum: HAIRY PIZZA”. Which even she could not argue with. (Dad told me once that the hairs on the pizza were little fish, but I know that he was lying, because fish don’t even have hairs.)
Now tonight Mum is going to have her friends round, so she has said that me and Jamie have to be good and quiet. I did think for a moment about whether I wanted to be good and quiet, but I have decided that I don’t. Instead, I’m planning to have a massive poo in the downstairs toilet and not flush it away and then play thirty five rounds of the I Can’t Go To Sleep BECAUSE game. That will teach Mum to not let me watch TV.
Love from Beth xxx