It has mostly been quite a good weekend.
This weekend we went to see Granny. Granny is Mummy’s mum and she lives a long way away. We had to go in the car and go across three different motorways. The car journey was very long and I thought it might get boring, so I told Mum that she would have to play car games with me. I love playing car games with Mum. I can see her eyes go all white and staring in the mirror in the front of the car and her hands go all tight on the steering wheel. My favourite car game is I Spy. The best way to play I Spy is to think of a thing which is not even anywhere near you, and begins with a letter which isn’t the letter you have said that it is. I am the best I Spy player ever.
After we had played lots and lots of car games we got to Granny’s house. I could tell Mum had had a lovely time playing car games because when she got out of the car she told Dad that she needed to drink a lot of alcohol. Alcohol is what grown ups drink when they are having a nice time, like at parties. Or when they just want to fall over a lot.
Granny’s house is not like ours. It is very big and very clean. I like going to Granny’s house because she tells Mum off a lot. We had only just got in the house and Mum threw a whole bag of muesli all over the floor and then pulled a towel rail off the wall. Granny shook her head at Mum. HA! That will teach Mum for telling us off so much.
On Sunday we went swimming. I told Granny that I had learnt to swim and so I wanted to show her how good I was. When we got into the swimming pool I did my swimming. The best way to do swimming is to keep your feet on the bottom of the swimming pool all the time and just move your arms a lot. That way you look like you are trying really hard but at the same time there is no way that you can sink or that your face will get wet. I do not like getting my face wet AT ALL.
Then on Sunday afternoon Mum made us go for a long walk, because she is evil. I did not like the long walk. It was very hot and very long. To show Mum how annoyed I was at her making me go on a long walk I made sure I whinged the whole way there and the whole way back. When Mum told me off for whinging I yelled VAGINA at her. Jamie laughed so much I thought he was going to have a wee in his trousers.
Now it is half term and Dad is looking after us while Mum is at work. Mum says that we need to do all our reading every day and not watch the television for more than half an hour.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Mum is an idiot.
Love from Beth xxx