Winnie The Pooh: The Easter Diet

“So, I suppose the diet has to start today,” said Pooh glumly, looking at the still substantial pile of uneaten Easter eggs they had amassed between them.

“Um…why?” said Piglet.

“Because…well, you know. This,” said Pooh, grabbing a generous handful of his gut and squeezing it between his fingers.

Piglet looked at Pooh for a long, appraising moment.

“Listen, Pooh. We go through this cycle regularly, don’t we. If you want to spend the next few weeks making yourself miserable while you chow down on lettuce leaves and think murderous thoughts about anyone who has the temerity to eat chocolate in your presence, well, you crack on.

“But I’m telling you now: I don’t care. Yes, a bit of moderation is important, and no, we probably can’t exist 24/7 on a diet of Prosecco and fishfinger sandwiches, more’s the pity.

“But if you think losing a couple of inches off that gut will make you a better person; if you for some reason believe that I will love you any more if you suddenly miraculously fit into those 32” waist Levis that you’ve been hanging onto since you were 16 in the misguided belief that you will one day, somehow, fit into them…then you are so, so wrong.

“So by all means, cut back on the gin and the chocolate for a bit for health reasons if you want to. But don’t think it will turn you into a better individual, because you are already the Very Best Bear that I know. And don’t think it will make our friendship any better, or make me love you any more, because frankly, that simply isn’t possible. I love you just the way you are. Wobbly gut and all.”

There was a pause, and Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh. Pooh tried to speak, and tell Piglet how Very Wise he really was, but he found that he couldn’t, and so he just sort of nodded his head, and didn’t even mind that a little tear of happiness escaped and ran down the side of his chubby little face. And the best thing of all was that he didn’t have to say anything, because in the Very Best Friendships, you don’t always need to be speaking for the other person to know exactly what you’re thinking.

“Now then,” said Piglet, very matter of fact. “By my count, there are still 42 Easter eggs in that pile over there. Are you with me, or are you not?”

“Oh, I’m with you,” said Pooh in an emotional voice, as he reached for the largest egg and cracked it open to share between them. “I am always with you Piglet.”

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