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Author: aswadmt

Absolutely Fine

May 23, 2018 / aswadmt / Leave a comment

Piglet let himself into Pooh’s house to find his friend lying on the floor under his kitchen table with a blanket over his head.

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Biff, Chip and Kipper and the Sunday Night

May 21, 2018 / aswadmt / 2 Comments

It is Sunday evening.

This is Mum.

Mum is looking forward to a quiet relaxing evening in front of the television.

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Biff, Chip and Kipper and the Sunny Day

May 6, 2018May 6, 2018 / aswadmt / Leave a comment

It is a sunny day.

This is Mum.

“Let’s all go outside and have a family day in the sun,” says Mum.

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Maternal Mental Health Week

May 5, 2018 / aswadmt / 1 Comment

This is Mum.

Mum remembers back to when Biff and Chip were babies.

It was not a fun time.

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Biff Chip and Kipper and the Good Night’s Sleep

May 1, 2018April 30, 2018 / aswadmt / 1 Comment

This is Mum.

Mum is fucking exhausted.

Mum is fucking exhausted because she last had an unbroken night’s sleep more than seven years ago.

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Biff Chip and Kipper and the Fronted Adverbials

April 14, 2018April 7, 2018 / aswadmt / 1 Comment

This is Biff.

This is Chip.

This is Biff and Chip’s homework.

Biff and Chip are required to write down ten examples of fronted adverbials.

Biff and Chip have not a fucking clue what a fronted adverbial is.

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Winnie The Pooh: Why Do We Have To Have Mondays?

April 13, 2018April 7, 2018 / aswadmt / Leave a comment

“I just don’t understand, Piglet,” said Pooh.

“What’s that, old pal?”

“Well, why do we have to have Mondays? They’re just so… unnecessary.”

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My Wedding Anniversary – 27 March

April 12, 2018April 7, 2018 / aswadmt / 2 Comments

I woke up in the early hours of this morning to hear the rain gently pouring down outside the window, tapping windows and leaves wherever it fell.

It seemed apt, because exactly twelve years ago today, I also woke up in the early hours of the morning to hear the rain gently pouring down.

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Biff Chip and Kipper and the Play Date

April 11, 2018April 7, 2018 / aswadmt / Leave a comment

This is Chip.

Chip has his friend Wilf round for a ‘play date’.

This is Mum.

Mum is deeply concerned by the ramifications of an additional small child entering her home, not to mention appalled by the twee twattishness of the phrase ‘play date’, but was eventually worn down by Chip’s promises that Wilf is “really good”.

Chip lied.

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Winnie The Pooh: The Easter Diet

April 10, 2018April 7, 2018 / aswadmt / Leave a comment

“So, I suppose the diet has to start today,” said Pooh glumly, looking at the still substantial pile of uneaten Easter eggs they had amassed between them.

“Um…why?” said Piglet.

“Because…well, you know. This,” said Pooh, grabbing a generous handful of his gut and squeezing it between his fingers.

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I Know, I Need To Stop Talking

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