Ten Things People Really Ought To Know Before They Get Pregnant

#1 When you think about being pregnant, you probably think about your stomach expanding like a cute little watermelon. For about one in every four hundred of us, that is exactly what happens, and you walk around sporting your cute little watermelon bump and people say lovely things to you like “Ooh, from the behind you wouldn’t even know you were pregnant,” and you sashay around with your cute little watermelon bump like the sassy pregnant lady that you are.

Continue reading

10 Things Every New Mother Should Be Told Immediately After Giving Birth

#1 You have just pushed an entire other person out of your front bottom! Or had them bodily removed through a big hole in your stomach! You are fricking amazing!

#2 It is entirely normal to feel so happy you could dance naked through the streets, or so emotional you feel you could give Gwyneth doing her Oscar speech a run for her money, or so exhausted you feel like you want to crawl into a dark cave and sleep for three years. Or sometimes all of these things simultaneously.

Continue reading