This is Mum.
Mum has been trying to get the children ready to leave the house since 6.27am that morning.
It is now 8.54am and the school gates will close in exactly six minutes.
This is Kipper.
Kipper has been awake since 5am watching violent 18 certificate movies which he has illicitly downloaded on the Sky box using the parental password he is not supposed to know.