Daddy Pig had offered to make dinner, after Mummy Pig had told him she was going to lose her fucking shit if she had to waste one more hour of her life preparing a meal which nobody was going to eat.
“Don’t worry, Mummy Pig,” said Daddy Pig. “I will make tea tonight. Come on, Peppa. Come on, George. You can come and watch. We will make a lovely dinner with lots of lovely vegetables.”
It was the year 2040.
The Pig family had agreed to meet in a nearby wine bar. Peppa was there first. Finding a table, she ordered two double vodkas, which she had downed in quick succession before anyone else had even arrived.
Next to turn up was George. He nodded at his sister. “Alright?”
“No, not really, I am so fucking tired. You?”
“Shattered.” George rubbed his eyes and signalled to the barman. “Tequila?”
It was Saturday morning, and Mummy Pig and Mummy Rabbit were having a cup of coffee together.
Mummy Rabbit was going to have a baby soon.
“What did you do with the children last night?” asked Mummy Rabbit.
“Well, we came home from school and nursery and they sat glazed in front of the TV while I cooked them beige food from the freezer for dinner. Then they ate that, but only provided I covered it in an inch thick of tomato ketchup first.