Dear Mother Nature,
I’d like to lodge a formal complaint. I feel like I’ve been thoroughly mis-sold to.
When I was a kid, it was all about rattling through your birthdays as quickly as you possibly could in order to get to adulthood. Adulthood – according to my peers and the glossy magazines you found in doctors’ waiting rooms before they realised just how many germs they harboured – was basically the holy grail of life.